Not everyone understands me, I am told I am difficult to be with, I am a burden and I suffocate people…. This coming from someone really close to me hurt me a lot… I couldn’t help but think that people close to me doesn’t seem to know me at all and understand me… But one thing is… there must be something wrong with me right? For everyone to misunderstand me? But is this understanding what we yearn for really worth it?
Isn’t being by your own self, more comforting than forced companionship? Isn’t being on your own figuring things out and not harming anybody better? I have a lot of expectations from life… It taught me love is overrated, but how beautiful love actually is though I haven’t experienced it, it taught me friendship is also overrated, but how it feels when a true friend cares and how hurtful it is when a true friend leaves as well… It also taught me how deep scars can go when someone cheats on you, someone speaks ill of you and when someone betrays you…. Did it teach me anything positive? Maybe it did, but I only learnt the negatives… resulting in me being who I am… Over the years more and more people I meet, makes me wish for solitude… than company… I prefer love, companionship, friendship and care… but doesn’t seem to click with me
I didn’t get the love of grand parents when I was small… But one thing I am blessed with in abundance is the love of my Family… My mother, father and sister…. If not for you, I wouldn’t even believe in the notion of family….
Amidst all the disappoints, you find Bee who is an abundance of joy and who taught me to see happiness through everything, who taught me its oki to be myself and smile through everything and it is oki to live for others and not be appreciated for the sacrifices because people just don’t care…
Then my little one, who taught me confidence to be who i am and not be apologetic about it…. Jingle and Jags who can make me angry, cry and laugh to the extreme but someone who can hurt me beyond repair but I contemplate every time whether to walk away or not…Friendships come in all forms, I don’t understand yours….I hope you don’t become a lesson learnt…
People are lessons… It takes me years to build and one incident to close down.. is that the case for others? I am forgiving, but maybe too much sometimes and sometimes too tough… I know myself… certain things I know what I am made up of and don’t want to change… in fear that I will be used again… so maybe I should stick to the path I was on before…. Solitude and solace on my own….
